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It’s been a while…

So the summer is officially coming to a close . Besides the new comfortable chill in the air as the summer heat dissipates, I also have with me the cold emptiness that has been left behind due to the fact that it was finally time for the boy to pack up and leave for school . And I surely did not think it would hit me this hard. Our relationship was formed over a long distance communication and we’ve been dealing with this for a year, so obviously I thought I would be ready for it. But I was wrong. This summer changed me , a whole lot. I did what I didn’t think was possible and I fell even more madly head over heels in love. So in love to the point that I feel like Nicholas Sparks could get the story line for his next novel based on our relationship. I’m experiencing the love that I thought was only constructed in movies. Fictitious. Or rather, something that I was undeserving of. But surprisingly here I am breathing and my heart is beating all too fast for one single person. It’s a scary thing to give your heart to someone, but once I finally overcame that obstacle it was the best decision I ever made in my life. For allowing to trust myself with opening your entire self to someone else was a courageous step, but one that gave me strength I never knew I had. Strength to not only love someone else deeply, but to actually love myself. Love who I am, and to love the woman I am becoming. I fully admit at times I felt lost and drifting down uncertain paths, but now no. I know what I want, and what I want I have. Without a doubt it’s going to be hard adjusting to the lack of physical companionship for a while, but what will keep me going is knowing at some point I will jump on a plane and fly down to see this man that makes me whole essentially. And I know it’s early, and it’s only been a year, but I know deep down that this isn’t temporary. I see a future, and one that involves him. And honestly, it doesn’t scare me one bit that I have these feelings. Yes, I find myself a little on edge without me being able to see him, and yes, my pillow has been a little damp these past nights from my tears… but really the pain that is caused by his absence is only a clear indication of how much I love him and how much he means to me. And that fact makes me ecstatic. 

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